Sunday, March 28, 2010

The beginning


So here is how it started:

On March 2nd, I had my 2nd trimester structural ultrasound. I was so excited, because this was when I could find out the gender of my little peanut. Up to that point everything had been normal, I was healthy, the fetus was healthy and measured to a good size with a good heart rate. All my blood work had came back normal and I was enjoying being pregnant with many pregnancy cravings and absence of morning sickness. The ultrasound went great and we found out I was having a little girl! Although we were both hoping for a boy because of the over abundance of girls in my family, we instantly fell in love with her even more. Still overwhelmed with happiness, my fiancée Jon and I came up with a bunch of activities and hope and dreams for our little girl that she would experience starting from the day she is born. Jon and I both decided on the name Laura, we fell in love with the name instantly.

Two weeks later, I returned for another ultrasound so they could get another view of her heart because of her being poorly positioned the time before. I remember sitting in the waiting room reading an article in a parenting magazine about a mother who was on her third pregnancy after having two previously miscarriages. I remember thinking to myself, "how do you react to such bad news when you see an ultrasound with your baby not being healthy" or "that must be devastating for parents to get such bad news." And then, I went onto think how fortunate and happy I am to have a problem free pregnancy. Shortly later I was called into the room and stared at the screen in awe as my beautiful baby girl kicked and wiggled. After the ultrasound, I met with the doctor, where he told me her heart looks to be a little bigger on one side, and that I would have to go for a level 2 ultrasound, but not to worry yet because most of the time the baby turns out to be fine. The next couple of days, I was a little worried and nervous but nothing to lose sleep over.

The following Monday, Jon and I went to the prenatal diagnosis center for the level 2 ultrasound. The ultrasound was performed and her little female parts were confirmed. Both Jon and I waited anxiously for the doctor to come in. When the doctor came in, she sat down and said with a serious face: "there are some abnormalities with your baby's heart," "I don't know what exactly is wrong, all I know is it does not look normal to me." My heart sank into my stomach and fearful thoughts ran through my head. Then the doctor continued to pour out more bad news: "in addition to the heart abnormalities, your baby has some hydronephrosis (extra fluid around the kidney), and a very small mass in her pelvic region." The doctor continued to tell me that with multiple system abnormalities, makes the fetus a high marker for a chromosomal/genetic problem. The ride home from the doctors was a nightmare... I lost it, I called my mom and cried to her. I never thought that this would happen to me.

Two days later, we return for the fetal echocardiogram, in which I was told they would be able to tell what exactly is wrong with the heart. After and hour and a half of the echocardiogram, the doctor turned the machine off, looked at us and said "I'm not sure exactly what the problem is, but I am pretty sure the problem is with the aorta."

Four days later, today, I decided to start my own blog, not only to "vent" and relieve some of the stress of what is going on, but to also get as many followers as possible. Baby Laura will need a lot of thoughts and prays to make it through and fight through her health problems. I was told she will definitely need heart surgery. The question of how many and what type and the prognosis will hopefully be answered on Friday, the 2nd of April when I meet with the pediatric cardiologist. So, now the battle and slur of doctor appointments begin.

"How are you handling this?" "Be strong!" "I couldn't imagine getting bad news like that." "How are you feeling?" "We are here for you, if you ever need us." These are some of the few questions and remarks that we get when we tell people about what is happening to our daughter. So, to answer the questions, my best response is that it is a very tough process. The waiting game is horrible. I try to research answers and more information online, but it is kind of hard when you do not know for sure what is wrong with your daughter. There are a lot of questions I have, some are: "Will my daughter have downs syndrome?" "Will my daughter make it to term?" "Will my daughter make it to her teenage years?" "What kind of ride am I in for?" Unfortunately, these questions can not be googled or researched. Only time to tell and that is the toughest part yet. I am the type of person who has to be in control and know everything right now. So far, I have learned that the best way to make it through each day; is to occupy myself, be around friends and family, pray, and remind myself to take everyday, one day at a time, and that is all you can do. So until my next appointment, all I can do it wait and follow my own advice.

1 Comment:

KristenB said...

Brittney, I love you!!!!! I don't know what else to say to make you feel better :( I can't even imagine what you are going through right now. I just know that one day Laura is going to be a fast-pitch softball star! (or something along those lines) Your my best friend and I know you are a strong person, Laura needs a mom like you so she can fight through what ever struggles she has to fight through! You have an awesome fiance, an awesome family, and awesome friends (including me haha) and on top of it all...a soon to be AMAZING daughter!