Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Level 2 ultrasound

Today was my level 2 ultrasound at the prenatal diagnosis center, and it went diasterous! Well first of all to start with the good stuff, Laura is growing normally and measuring 24w 5d and I'm, according to my due date, 24w 3d. Laura is definitely a little chubby one weighing in at 1lb and 9oz! Still a stubborn little one, Laura definitely hates ultrasounds! She kicked a bunch and moved all over the place. At one point, she kicked the ultrasound wand so hard that the picture on the screen shook. Then the ultrasound tech showed me, Laura sucking on her thumb, it was cute because I got tosee her little mouth moving and opening and closing. Laura was even caught on the ultrasound peeing. Then the doctorr came in which completely ruined my day and gives me the reason to hate that place. This doctor was in the room looking at the ultrasound for only about 10 minutes and he had no bedside manners whatsoever. All of the other doctors I have had were in the room for a while, trying to figure out what is wrong and checking up on her other body systems. However; this guy actually and finally got a diagnosis of what is wrong with her heart. He said she has a ventricular septal wall defect, which I had to look up on my own, but it is a very common heart problem and can easily be fixed. He also started saying something about the vessels that leave the top of the heart are more to the right side than the left side, which I'm not exactly sure of how to look that up because he didn't give me a medical term and didn't explain the details. So once I go back to the cardiologist, I'm sure I can find out more. If the heart problem wasn't enough, the doctor continued to mention the possiblities of chromosome problems and how common heart defects are with these sort of disorders. And then once the doctor was done, he asked if we had any questions and rushed out of the room not telling us to follow up or anything. So, basically, I left the place in a very bad mood.

After the bad news, I face the decision to have the amnicentesis or not. Before, I was completely againt the amniocentesis because a lot of babies are born with heart defects and no other problems, so I figured let's just wait and see. However; after todays appointment, I am highly considering getting the amnio done because of the problems that presented in the ultrasound today. That and after researching the risks and threats of the procedure, wich nowadays are very minimal, I much rather be prepared for the possibility of more birth defects due to the possiblity of having a chromosomal/genetic disorder.

I feel that the hardest part of this whole process is admitting to myself that she does has a problem. It is tough to believe she has a problem or defects or is not completely healthy when I feel her kick all the time and kick at any thing that puts pressure on my uterus. How can she be so lively and healthy feeling from the outside but in reality she has a problem? Another tough question I face is why me and why my daugther? It is tough seeing all the people my age who are having kids or had kids, talk about having normal children or normal delivers, all of which I probably won't have or won't be able to experience. People should be very fortunate of what they have, because I would do anything to have a normal delivery, with normal contractions, and a normal, healthy baby with no visits to specialists or high risk ob/gyns. Anything....

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